As you all know I have twin boys who are twenty months, not long until they are two years old. Which I still can’t believe that I will have TWO at TWO years of age. Scary how h but so much fun. Wouldn’t change my life for anything else. Both of them are getting very strong willed little people, which is good but hard to parent as I’m not sure if I’m doing the best job being a mother of TWO very strong willed toddlers.
With all the information I have read and left in this blog I have just realised that my partner and I are on two different pages of the book. This is making the boys a bit confused as I do one thing and my partner is always nagging them and telling them that they shouldn’t be doing what they are doing. I now need to let my partner know that we both need to go with the flow as they are very good but strong willed little boys who need both of us to guide them in the right direction but without nagging or telling them off.
Information about STRONG WILLED CHILDREN
Everything I have read on STRONG WILLED CHILDREN is down below:
1. Give them choices rather than orders as they will not listen. This helps them feel in control of their life
2. Routines are something that you need to follow as it helps them relies what is going to have and what to expect next. Rules are there to show them that we have to always follow and abided by in every aspect of growing up.
3. Try and remember that the children we are raising have their own feelings and questions about life, so we have to respect them and remember to listen and respond to the questions they may have.
4. We can’t keep telling them to not do something as they may not believe you even though you know it’s hot , they need to learn by doing or touching the item to show them it’s hot. it is more effective to let them learn through experience, instead of trying to control
5. Yay!! You are doing a great job playing so nicely together. Praise good behavior! Strong willed children often times struggle horribly with confidence. Encouraging and recognizing your child is playing very nicely with a friend will do wonders to their behaviour.
6. Reward systems. Find a system that works for your children. Maybe a reward chart and when it’s all full you get a prize. This will help the strong willed child to notice that their accomplishment are being noticed, this will continue to build their confidence.
7. Stay calm. Stop yelling and screaming as this is showing your children that they can do it too as this behaviour is ok because Mumma and Dadda are doing it.
8. Empathy goes a long way. Put the shoe on your foot and see why they are losing control? What they are feeling? Respect your children at all ages as they are still learning how, what, when,why things are happening to them and around them.
9. Pick your battles when your children are making their own decisions sometimes you won’t like them but time will help you when picking battles to fight or not to fight but look at the bigger picture and if in the long run they aren’t getting hurt and you sort of use them to make the right decision that you both like, but we need to treat everyone with respect as that’s what we want back in our direction. Don’t we?
10. Don’t keep telling them off over and over not to do something or to do something as this doesn’t help them and might lead to a tantrum. Just remind them once or twice in a gentle voice so that they will turn around and listen and complete the task that you have asked of them. If you keep telling them off over and over they will walk away and do something else that you didn’t want them to do. Just ask them once or twice then give them some time to complete the task.
11. Follow through with consequences of their actions is very important to show them that you mean business and your not playing around when they have been not listening to my instructions. I issue a warning when they start to play up then if they continue I take the toy or item off them.
12. We need to learn to breathe as we are human and will make mistakes and lose our way when trying to keep it calm and peaceful but throughout the day as long as you show them that they are loved, secure, happy, healthy and tired then you have done your job as then hopefully they sleep all night for you.
This ABC of Things not to do is very helpful.
A- Always stay consistent.
B- Pick your battles.
E- Ensure that they get enough sleep.
F- Has she been fed?
G- Never give in.
H- Heads up when something is about to change.
I- Ignore her during a meltdown.
J- Just remember how great she is!
K- KEEP CALM!
M- Make her feel safe at all times.
N- Don’t nag.
O- Outside time
P- Provide comfort/hugs.
Q- Quality one-on-one time.
R- Reaffirm the right behavior.
T- Don’t threaten.
U- You’re NOT a bad parent
V- Be her valentine.
W- No worries! Don’t stress!
X- Offer an explanation.
Y- Why is she upset?
Z- Eye level when communicating with your children/child.
Got this ABC from “Simple Musings Blog.”